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Insanely Inane Thoughts

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

Two Cows

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You're placed in a cooperative to tell him how to manage your cow.

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive,and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.Your stock goes up.

FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best-looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of Democrats from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat, bossy bitch cow from Arkansas.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have some vodka.You count them and learn you have 5 cows. You have some more vodka.You count them again and now you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan,which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they
were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION: You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

CALIFORNIAN CORPORATION: You have millions of cows. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.They wander around the roads aimlessly.

PAKISTANI CORPORATION: You have no cows.You claim that the Indian cows are yours.

BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows....both are mad.

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

BIBLE CORPORATION: You have two cows.You pray and then you pray some more.Now you have two holy cows.

FREUDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.They have dreams about having sex with your mother.
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