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Insanely Inane Thoughts

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

Going Bust

I could see her looking at me from the corner of her eyes. I pretended not to notice and continued munching on the cake. The cake was laced with cream and a spattering of chocolate covered the sweet pastry base. It tasted even more delicious than it looked. I can bet that the doctor wouldn't be pleased with the cholesterol count or me. Which made the slice even more ravishing.

I spotted an old friend of mine and decided to have a chat with him that was long overdue. I had to weave through a crowd of babbling anorexic girls, all of whom smiled at me. I smiled back at them and they burst into giggles. I half wanted to tell them to try the cake but thought better of it. Better I eat the cake than the toilet bowl.

I saw her again before I ran into my friend. This time she was looking straight at me and smiling. I smiled back. She had nice eyes and a lovely bust. Before I could take in the finer details, the rather large frame of my friend filled my vision.

"Alain, how have you been?" asked Matthew, attempting to juggle the food supply of Somalia on his small plate and shake my hand simultaneously.

"Life's been nice to me, Matty. And I can see that it has been generous with you too," I said, patting his pork belly. He laughed loudly. I had to wipe away most of the food he had in his mouth from my face.

"You haven't changed a bit, Matty."

"Neither have you, you sanctimonious prick." He laughed again.

"Are you still pissed with me because I slept with your wife the night before your wedding or do you derive some kind of perverse pleasure from drowning me in your spittle, Matty?"

Matty started to say something but the meatball he had been relishing on got stuck in his throat. His face turned a strange purple while his eyes strained from their sockets. My job here was done.

“Tell Faye I said ‘Hello’, Matty,” I concluded before I walked away from him.

I passed many girls on my way and all of them seemed to be enjoying the party. They smiled at me again and I smiled back. They laughed. It seemed like the norm of the night.

I was at the wine counter when I saw her for the third time for the night. Actually, I saw her staring at me for the third time for the night. But this time, she wasn’t alone. She had a friend with her who was doing the exact, same thing. I didn’t mind it much as she had an attractive bust as well.

Well, well. Finally, the girls are appreciating my true worth.

I smiled at the two of them and they, like the others, burst out laughing. I contemplated on whether I’ll be able to convince the two of them into a Ménage a Troi, the two of them held a discussion of their own. After much debate, the one who had been eyeing me all night approached me by the wine counter.

I could make out that she had a dazzling set of turquoise eyes, which complemented her shoulder-length auburn hair very nicely.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hullo,” I replied.

“I don’t know how to say this,” she remarked demurely.

“Say it with love,” I told her with a smile. She laughed. Yup, the old charm was still there.

“I’ve been following you all night-“

“I noticed.”

“And I don’t think anybody has told you this yet…”

“Go on.”

“But I thought it would be nothing but polite of me to let you know that you have been walking around sporting a dollop of whipped cream on your nose for most of the party.”
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