Resurrection
Void
I stole a glance at her as she entered the classroom.I don't know why I did that.We had been good friends till yesterday.We still were.But somehow,somewhere, things had changed.
I tried to bury myself in my book.But I couldn't.The more I tried not to think of her,the more I thought of her.The more I tried to convince myself of a seeming infatuation, the more unconvincing it seemed.
The professor had started teaching.I looked on with my unseeing eyes as my mind painted colorful pictures of what things could be.I tried hard to fight off this feeling of uncertain bliss but failed miserably.Before the lecture was over, I was lost in the maze of a smitten mind.
Most of the day passed away in a haze.I appeared aloof ,which bothered my friends to no end as I usually was the chirpy one.Still,I managed to seem interested in what was going on even though I wasn't.
I was still in a haze when she approached me with a quizzical look on her face.She wanted to know if everything was alright with me.I replied with a casual yes but my heart screamed out something else.She didn't seem convinced but left the topic at that.As she turned to go back,her hair kissed against my face.I was engulfed in a smell so sweet that I feared that my insulin levels would shoot up.It was a fleeting moment but it seemed as if I lived a lifetime in that single moment.
Gathering my wits together,I set about wandering the college premises aimlessly.The earth was still fresh from the rain.Tiny drops of rain danced on the leaves as if to celebrate their existance.Somewhere closeby, a parakeet sang to her mate.Flowers blossomed, filling up the air with a pleasant smell of nectar.A slight breeze seemed to whisper sweet nothings to the swaying trees.Every thing around me seemed to take a new meaning and this made me so ebullient that it made me shudder.
I parked myself on a bench and contemplated on what I should do next.Should I let her know that things were no longer the same with us, that she had become a friend and much more, someone to whom I could confide my hopes and fears, someone with whom I could share my joy and sorrow.But what if the feelings were confined to myself ; will I be able to look upto her just as a friend knowing that what I wanted was more.
As these questions whizzed past my mind,my feelings swung from one extreme to another, from one of exuberance to one of palpable fear.
Somehow I managed to tame these thoughts and decided that it would be best if I let her know that everything wasn't alright with me.
With us.
I looked around the campus in search of her.My anxiety mounted with every step, steps so leaden that they seemed to last an eternity.It was then that I chanced upon her.She was sitting all alone in the library.
Bingo!What better time to tell her than now.
As I inched closer towards her, blood rushed to my head.My heartbeat quickened to an alarming propotion and my resolve collapsed in spectacular fashion.I decided to leave and gather my composure but she spotted me before I could do so.I used the old "Ohh there you are" look and plodded on towards her.
As I took my seat facing her, her face broke into that dazzling smile again.My defences breached, I retreated to my shell.
Maybe latter, I told myself.
But what she said next shattered my heart.
She had been asked out by someone else; someone on whom she had been quite keen on.And she had given a tentative yes.She told me that I was the first one to know about this and that she wanted it to be under wraps for the time-being.
I had looked at her rather blankly as she had said all of this ; but soon my face broke into a smile.I was happy; for her but my heart writhed in pain ; a pain unlike one I had ever felt before.
As I left her at the library and headed towards the station, my mind felt like a quagmire of sorrow.Tiny drops of rain fell around of me and broke up into countless pieces; each of them having fulfilled their dream of quenching a lovelorn earth.I couldn't help but imagine how I could have lost the love of someone I never had......
I stole a glance at her as she entered the classroom.I don't know why I did that.We had been good friends till yesterday.We still were.But somehow,somewhere, things had changed.
I tried to bury myself in my book.But I couldn't.The more I tried not to think of her,the more I thought of her.The more I tried to convince myself of a seeming infatuation, the more unconvincing it seemed.
The professor had started teaching.I looked on with my unseeing eyes as my mind painted colorful pictures of what things could be.I tried hard to fight off this feeling of uncertain bliss but failed miserably.Before the lecture was over, I was lost in the maze of a smitten mind.
Most of the day passed away in a haze.I appeared aloof ,which bothered my friends to no end as I usually was the chirpy one.Still,I managed to seem interested in what was going on even though I wasn't.
I was still in a haze when she approached me with a quizzical look on her face.She wanted to know if everything was alright with me.I replied with a casual yes but my heart screamed out something else.She didn't seem convinced but left the topic at that.As she turned to go back,her hair kissed against my face.I was engulfed in a smell so sweet that I feared that my insulin levels would shoot up.It was a fleeting moment but it seemed as if I lived a lifetime in that single moment.
Gathering my wits together,I set about wandering the college premises aimlessly.The earth was still fresh from the rain.Tiny drops of rain danced on the leaves as if to celebrate their existance.Somewhere closeby, a parakeet sang to her mate.Flowers blossomed, filling up the air with a pleasant smell of nectar.A slight breeze seemed to whisper sweet nothings to the swaying trees.Every thing around me seemed to take a new meaning and this made me so ebullient that it made me shudder.
I parked myself on a bench and contemplated on what I should do next.Should I let her know that things were no longer the same with us, that she had become a friend and much more, someone to whom I could confide my hopes and fears, someone with whom I could share my joy and sorrow.But what if the feelings were confined to myself ; will I be able to look upto her just as a friend knowing that what I wanted was more.
As these questions whizzed past my mind,my feelings swung from one extreme to another, from one of exuberance to one of palpable fear.
Somehow I managed to tame these thoughts and decided that it would be best if I let her know that everything wasn't alright with me.
With us.
I looked around the campus in search of her.My anxiety mounted with every step, steps so leaden that they seemed to last an eternity.It was then that I chanced upon her.She was sitting all alone in the library.
Bingo!What better time to tell her than now.
As I inched closer towards her, blood rushed to my head.My heartbeat quickened to an alarming propotion and my resolve collapsed in spectacular fashion.I decided to leave and gather my composure but she spotted me before I could do so.I used the old "Ohh there you are" look and plodded on towards her.
As I took my seat facing her, her face broke into that dazzling smile again.My defences breached, I retreated to my shell.
Maybe latter, I told myself.
But what she said next shattered my heart.
She had been asked out by someone else; someone on whom she had been quite keen on.And she had given a tentative yes.She told me that I was the first one to know about this and that she wanted it to be under wraps for the time-being.
I had looked at her rather blankly as she had said all of this ; but soon my face broke into a smile.I was happy; for her but my heart writhed in pain ; a pain unlike one I had ever felt before.
As I left her at the library and headed towards the station, my mind felt like a quagmire of sorrow.Tiny drops of rain fell around of me and broke up into countless pieces; each of them having fulfilled their dream of quenching a lovelorn earth.I couldn't help but imagine how I could have lost the love of someone I never had......
This entry was posted
on Sunday, November 28, 2004 at 11:51 AM.
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