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Insanely Inane Thoughts

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

Contradiction

Rita comes home after a long day's work.On entering the house, she spots her dog, Richard, cuddled under the table.Let's go back to when she opens her door...

Rita, the human.

*Bolt*

It's so dark in here.

*Slush slush*

What the....? What did I step into now?

*Switch*

That's bette..... ewwww... I stepped into Richard's poop.That dog is never going to learn!

And where is my doggiedoo Richard?

There, under the table!Of all the places he could cuddle into, he prefers the table...

Kooochy koochy koo, Dicksy dear.Come to mommie... *kissing sounds towards the dog*

Hmmm, I wonder why he isn't bounding towards me.

Ohhh, he's looking so innocently at me with his beady, beautiful eyes.How cute is that! Let me take a photograph of this moment.I'm sure that Mindy and Mork will loove this photo!

*Flash*

Tring...Tring

*Click*

Hello?

Ohhh, Mindy.You wont believe what an incredibly cute snap of Richard I just took.And.... ohhh! It's getting even cuter.He's licking his balls now... no no...I don't think it's gross.He's looking at me again.Okay, I'll talk to you later.

*Click*

Come over here, Richsie.

*She's stroking him now*

Ohhh, feeling happy? Look at the way your tail's wagging....

Dick, the dog.

*Bolt*

Ohhh shit, the bitch is back!

*Slush slush*

Haha, she stepped right into that one.That's for castrating me, dyke!

Damn, the minion of the AntiChrist has spotted me.I must find a better place to hide.

Koochy koochy koo, Dicksie dear?What the fuck does she think I am?An one-year old?

I'm telling you, one of these days I going to bite the boobies off her chest.

*Eyeing her*

Not that you would notice the difference, blackboard!

No no no, not the camera again.She's not going to rest till I develop cataracts.

*Tring..Tring*

Saved by the bell... yeah, baby... there is God!

Ohh crap, here comes that itch again. Emasculation seems to have some very strange side-effects.

What the...?

Stop telling your friends about my activities, drag queen.

First off, there is nothing cute about it.You wouldn't call Marilyn Manson licking his balls cute, would you?

Secondly, I don't peek into your bathroom and look at you scrubbing your privates.The only time I did peek into your bathroom and found you doing just that, a small part of me died that day.Infact, that's the chief reason behind me tuning gay.If you can turn a horny dog like me towards homophilia, one day even the batteries are going to die on you!

Well, coming back to the point, even if I did spot you scrubbing your stinkhole, I don't go about barking out to my friends to tell them to stay away from you lest they contract some STD.

Thirdly, whenever...dang it..she's off the phone.

I better take small steps towards her now.The things I have to do for food are simply amazing...

Okay, let's go over the protocol again.

Don't bite her.The moment you feel like biting her, start counting from 1 to infinty by wagging your tail.

And no, you can't kill her via a whiplash.
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