Drunk Dialling: The Devil
Trring Trring
*Click*
"I'm away scaring the bejesus out of people so please leave your..."
Whrrrr
"Ohhhhhh....ahhhhh....yes...faster...."
"Dammit; we are on the speaker phone again! Keep your voice down!"
*Click*
*Click*
The Devil (slurry voice): "Hell-o; Hell-o...."
Me: "In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost....."
The Devil: "What the...."
Me: "The power of Christ compels you; the power of Christ compels you..."
The Devil (clearly agitated): "Who in the hell is this?!?"
Me: "Shouldn't you know?!?"
The Devil: "Know what?!?"
Me: "If I were in hell; who in the hell I was."
The Devil: "Cut the crap and tell me who you are."
Me: "The power of Christ compels you; the power of Christ compels you"
*Cries of anguish*
*Static*
Me: "Hullo?!?"
The Devil: "For the last time, who are you?"
Me: "Did you just vomit?"
The Devil: "No, I didn't just vomit."
Me: "Well then, the power of Christ..."
The Devil: "Is that Rohit?"
Me (wonderstruck): "How in the hell did you know?!? Oops, sorry wrong choice of words."
The Devil: "I ran a check against your number."
Me: "You traced my call?!?"
The Devil: "You could say so..."
Me: "Isn't that kind of illegal?"
The Devil: "Not according to Alberto, it isn't."
Me: "Alberto?!"
The Devil (bored): "You know; Alberto Gonzales."
Me: "You mean the US Attorney General?!"
The Devil: "You may call him that; I call him the Devil's Advocate" *chuckles*
Me (wondering): "Say, what are you doin' talkin to the US AG?!?"
The Devil: "Well, things aren't as hep as they were some time back so I had to outsource some of my work up to the Earth."
Me: "Wow, you had to outsource, eh. Where did you outsource your work to, India?!?"
The Devil: "I was thinking of it but then the White House came up with a better alternative."
Me (amazed): "The White House......?!?"
The Devil: "Yeah, the White House; the CEO over there was telling me that he would try to send me cheaper labor in Hell and something about oil..."
Me: "The CEO?"
The Devil: "Yup; a chump named Geroge Bush; I helped him get re-elected and he promised to send more souls from Iraq and Afghanistan."
Me: "Wow...."
The Devil: "Actually, I was getting tired by getting overloaded with people from Iraq and Afghanistan; it seems they like it in the rear and it's much of a pleasure thing to them than punishment.Also, their cooking sucks."
Me: "So..."
The Devil: "So, I called up Geroge and told him that I like Chinese food; he said China is not possible but he will send me some North Koreans instead."
Me: "He always short changes on his promises."
The Devil :"Yeah, I'm was growing weary of him so I sent in my friend to shake things up."
Me: "Your friend?"
The Devil: "Prince Abdullah."
Me: "Ahhh, it makes sense...."
The Devil: "So why did you call me?!?"
Me: "Ummm, In the name of the holy Father, I condemn you to Hell."
The Devil: "Already there.It was nice talking to you but it will be even better when we meet face-to-face, which I am told, is pretty soon.Have a torrid day."
*Click*
Me (scared): "Jesus..."
*Click*
Jesus (panting): "I'm busy right now; don't take my name in vain."
*Click*
Me (even more scared): "Holy fuck!!"
*Click*
The Devil: "That's what I call it!"
*Click*
*Dial tone*
*Click*
"I'm away scaring the bejesus out of people so please leave your..."
Whrrrr
"Ohhhhhh....ahhhhh....yes...faster...."
"Dammit; we are on the speaker phone again! Keep your voice down!"
*Click*
*Click*
The Devil (slurry voice): "Hell-o; Hell-o...."
Me: "In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost....."
The Devil: "What the...."
Me: "The power of Christ compels you; the power of Christ compels you..."
The Devil (clearly agitated): "Who in the hell is this?!?"
Me: "Shouldn't you know?!?"
The Devil: "Know what?!?"
Me: "If I were in hell; who in the hell I was."
The Devil: "Cut the crap and tell me who you are."
Me: "The power of Christ compels you; the power of Christ compels you"
*Cries of anguish*
*Static*
Me: "Hullo?!?"
The Devil: "For the last time, who are you?"
Me: "Did you just vomit?"
The Devil: "No, I didn't just vomit."
Me: "Well then, the power of Christ..."
The Devil: "Is that Rohit?"
Me (wonderstruck): "How in the hell did you know?!? Oops, sorry wrong choice of words."
The Devil: "I ran a check against your number."
Me: "You traced my call?!?"
The Devil: "You could say so..."
Me: "Isn't that kind of illegal?"
The Devil: "Not according to Alberto, it isn't."
Me: "Alberto?!"
The Devil (bored): "You know; Alberto Gonzales."
Me: "You mean the US Attorney General?!"
The Devil: "You may call him that; I call him the Devil's Advocate" *chuckles*
Me (wondering): "Say, what are you doin' talkin to the US AG?!?"
The Devil: "Well, things aren't as hep as they were some time back so I had to outsource some of my work up to the Earth."
Me: "Wow, you had to outsource, eh. Where did you outsource your work to, India?!?"
The Devil: "I was thinking of it but then the White House came up with a better alternative."
Me (amazed): "The White House......?!?"
The Devil: "Yeah, the White House; the CEO over there was telling me that he would try to send me cheaper labor in Hell and something about oil..."
Me: "The CEO?"
The Devil: "Yup; a chump named Geroge Bush; I helped him get re-elected and he promised to send more souls from Iraq and Afghanistan."
Me: "Wow...."
The Devil: "Actually, I was getting tired by getting overloaded with people from Iraq and Afghanistan; it seems they like it in the rear and it's much of a pleasure thing to them than punishment.Also, their cooking sucks."
Me: "So..."
The Devil: "So, I called up Geroge and told him that I like Chinese food; he said China is not possible but he will send me some North Koreans instead."
Me: "He always short changes on his promises."
The Devil :"Yeah, I'm was growing weary of him so I sent in my friend to shake things up."
Me: "Your friend?"
The Devil: "Prince Abdullah."
Me: "Ahhh, it makes sense...."
The Devil: "So why did you call me?!?"
Me: "Ummm, In the name of the holy Father, I condemn you to Hell."
The Devil: "Already there.It was nice talking to you but it will be even better when we meet face-to-face, which I am told, is pretty soon.Have a torrid day."
*Click*
Me (scared): "Jesus..."
*Click*
Jesus (panting): "I'm busy right now; don't take my name in vain."
*Click*
Me (even more scared): "Holy fuck!!"
*Click*
The Devil: "That's what I call it!"
*Click*
*Dial tone*
This entry was posted
on Thursday, May 05, 2005 at 9:16 PM.
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