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Insanely Inane Thoughts

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

Internal Dialogues - I

"Friggin hell; it's so boring here."
"You can say that again."
"Huh... who said that?"
"God"
"God?"
"Yup; you got a problem with that, boy?"
"...."
"Speak up, will ya?"
"So you are really God?"
"Yes, you dodo; I'm God;kneel down before me or else I shall have to smite you through your balls."
"Wow, for a God, you are awfully crude."
"Ohhhh man, so you really are THAT dumb."
" 'cuse me?"
"I ain't no friggin God; and for all it's worth, you don't even believe in God."
"Then..."
"Who am I?"
"If you don't know who you are, sorry, I can't help you; even I don't know who you are?"
"No no, you numbskull; weren't you going to ask me who I was?"
"I was; but since you don't know who you are, I guess it's not much of a question anyways"
"Are you really that dense; all I did was complete your question for you"
"So you are claiming to be omniscient?"
"Darn, I can't believe I got stuck in a body like you"
"Explain yourself"
"What's there to explain; I'm you"
"You are me?"
"Yes, I'm you."
"And I'm I"
"Yes"
"So you are me and I am I"
"We are both you"
"But wasn't I always me?"
"Enough already; I'll make it simpler for you Einstein; I'm your inner voice"
"You' re my inner voice?"
"Yes"
"Were you like born yesterday?"
"No no, I've been with you since time immemorial"
"Then why is it that I've never heard you speak up before?"
"Because I never agreed with you on any issues; until today"
"What happened today?"
"You said; "Friggin hell; it's so boring here" "
"And..."
"I agree; it is boring here; here being inside you"
"You are very subtle; for an inner voice"
"I try"
"So, from now on, you are going to be more regular?"
"With our conversations?"
"No no; as my sex buddy; of course; with our conversations!"
"I usually prefer more intelligent company but you will do"
"Are you implying something?"
"Not as much as you are implicating yourself"
"Go to Hell..."
"Given a choice, I would; but one could say that this is Hell of another sort"
"Okay; you be nice and I'll be nice.Deal?"
"...."
"I said "deal"?"
"..."
"You still there?"
"Yeah"
"Why did you stop talking"
"I was trying to be nice"
"Why you cheeky little bastard!"
"Heh, that was fun; okay, you have yourself a deal.But I warn you; while I'm with you; there will be absolutely no touching"
"How can I touch you; you are just a voice!"
"I might be just a voice but I can still feel things; as long as we talk; you keep your hands to yourself"
"I'll try"
"No, try is not good enough; petting yourself is out of bounds; it cheapens our conversations and make me feel like I've been used"
"Okay"
"Good, then..... ouuuuuuuch; your horny little runt; what did I just tell you about touching yourself?"
"Hehe; sorry, just pulling your leg"
"Quite literally too"
"Okay, can we talk about more important stuff?"
"Sure; what do you have in mind?"
"Love"
"Whoaaaa; hold your horses, mate.This is, like, our first date and you want to prat about Love?"
"We will talk about it eventually so why not now?"
"Okay; eventually you might want to get a vasectomy done so why not now?"
"Okay, okay; I get your point; no need to rub it in"
"Sometimes you are so dense that even a particle accelerator might fail in firing your synapses"
"You aren't be nice; I suggest you shut the hell up"
"...."
"Hullo?"
"......"
"Good riddance to bad rubbish"
"Nice epitaph; why don't you keep it?"
"Sod off, fucktards"
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