Insanely Inane Thoughts

Anything wrong, pilot?
Yes.
What?
Vertigo.

Sleep is such a marvelous thing, isn’t it? Especially when you are stuck in travel. I can see you nodding so I’ll take it as a yes.

Oh, what’s that? You are nodding, yes, but nodding off to sleep. I get that because you are slithering your head all over my back like a bad rash. And if that isn’t bad enough, you also seem to be a dribbler.

What is a dribbler, you ask.

Well, a dribbler is almost like a cretin. He spews saliva a masticating cow and I wouldn’t put his IQ much beyond the cretin as well. For fuck’s sake, use a pacifier or suckle on your thumb. Not only would that help you in this dribbling business but you can then travel in the handicapped section, no questions asked.

The next time your head crawls over my shoulder, I’ll punch your testicles in. You can lose sleep over that. And please, wipe that silly grin off your face. We aren’t telling each other sordid tales of matrimony.

Ah, good! I can see you nodding. Hmm, you are beginning to resemble God’s remake of Pisa. Hey, wait, I’m not finished yet…

Why is Gmail is still counting? I mean how insecure is Google? 2000 MB, 2200 MB, 2500 MB…

Are people impressed with it yet? Oh, 2800 MB; okay I’ll open an account.

But we can’t.

Gmail is still invite only. It’s like telling people that you have 1000 playmates in your apartment and then counting to them each bikini as proof. Sooner or later, they will get tired of it and will want it. But if they want in, someone with his hands on a playmate has to let them in.

And do people even care? We all get it that Gmail has a lot of space; they might as well as put up a sign ‘Gmail: We are a black hole of mails.’ Perhaps their ultimate aim is to have all mails give up hope: We realize that you have a lot of space and we would rather redirect ourselves voluntarily that come in as forwards.

And if Gmail has so much of space would spam really bother you? What would you do if you had a garbage can the size of Kansas in your backyard? You’d throw away the junk and forget about it.

Now what’s the deal with these socializing sites? Earlier it was the instant messenger and now this. We spend almost all day with our friends doing everything together but for taking a crap. Then we return home, turn on our computers and spend the rest of our night talking to the very same people. Are people really that sad? Here is an excerpt of an make-believe conversation:

Mike: Back from work?
John: Yeah, you?
Mike: We left together.
John: Yeah right.
Mike: So what are you doing now?
John: I don’t know. Wanna grab a pizza later?
Mike: Sure.
John: I got to take a crap; brb.
Mike: Okay
John: Back.
Mike: What took you so long?
John: I ran out of toilet paper.
Mike: Oh, okay. Well, we better leave now if we want to have pizza.
John: You are right.
Mike: Cya.
John: Yep
Mike: Take care.
John: You too.

And it doesn’t end there. While traveling, the same fellow will send you an sms to ask you where you are. It’s like being married to the mob; no matter where you go, they get there before.

Back to the socializing sites. Some sites have the option of writing testimonials to your friend. Are we selling each other over the Internet or are we writing pseudoeulogies to each other? Well, the friend can write a testimonial but we get to approve it in the end. If we don’t like what our friend writes, we decline the testimonial. If you do this to all friends, you will certainly end up with eulogies.

I’d like to write more but my messenger is moaning like a climaxing banshee and my scraps are piling up. Till then!