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Insanely Inane Thoughts

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

Downtime

Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Excuses to use if you're caught napping at work:

0. "Are the 30 seconds up already?!?"
1. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
2. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
3. "This is one of the seven habits of highly defective people!"
4. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
6. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
8. "The coffee machine is broken...."
9. "Someone must have put the decaf in the wrong pot."
10. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
11. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
12. "Mission compromised; I repeat that the mission has been compromised.Request to take down offending subject."
13. "Amen."

A joke to end this post :

Q. Why did the wife divorce her biochemist husband?
A. Because he kept refering to sex as a function of Initiation,elongation and termination.


Resurrection

Sunday, November 28, 2004
Void

I stole a glance at her as she entered the classroom.I don't know why I did that.We had been good friends till yesterday.We still were.But somehow,somewhere, things had changed.

I tried to bury myself in my book.But I couldn't.The more I tried not to think of her,the more I thought of her.The more I tried to convince myself of a seeming infatuation, the more unconvincing it seemed.

The professor had started teaching.I looked on with my unseeing eyes as my mind painted colorful pictures of what things could be.I tried hard to fight off this feeling of uncertain bliss but failed miserably.Before the lecture was over, I was lost in the maze of a smitten mind.

Most of the day passed away in a haze.I appeared aloof ,which bothered my friends to no end as I usually was the chirpy one.Still,I managed to seem interested in what was going on even though I wasn't.

I was still in a haze when she approached me with a quizzical look on her face.She wanted to know if everything was alright with me.I replied with a casual yes but my heart screamed out something else.She didn't seem convinced but left the topic at that.As she turned to go back,her hair kissed against my face.I was engulfed in a smell so sweet that I feared that my insulin levels would shoot up.It was a fleeting moment but it seemed as if I lived a lifetime in that single moment.

Gathering my wits together,I set about wandering the college premises aimlessly.The earth was still fresh from the rain.Tiny drops of rain danced on the leaves as if to celebrate their existance.Somewhere closeby, a parakeet sang to her mate.Flowers blossomed, filling up the air with a pleasant smell of nectar.A slight breeze seemed to whisper sweet nothings to the swaying trees.Every thing around me seemed to take a new meaning and this made me so ebullient that it made me shudder.

I parked myself on a bench and contemplated on what I should do next.Should I let her know that things were no longer the same with us, that she had become a friend and much more, someone to whom I could confide my hopes and fears, someone with whom I could share my joy and sorrow.But what if the feelings were confined to myself ; will I be able to look upto her just as a friend knowing that what I wanted was more.

As these questions whizzed past my mind,my feelings swung from one extreme to another, from one of exuberance to one of palpable fear.

Somehow I managed to tame these thoughts and decided that it would be best if I let her know that everything wasn't alright with me.

With us.

I looked around the campus in search of her.My anxiety mounted with every step, steps so leaden that they seemed to last an eternity.It was then that I chanced upon her.She was sitting all alone in the library.

Bingo!What better time to tell her than now.

As I inched closer towards her, blood rushed to my head.My heartbeat quickened to an alarming propotion and my resolve collapsed in spectacular fashion.I decided to leave and gather my composure but she spotted me before I could do so.I used the old "Ohh there you are" look and plodded on towards her.

As I took my seat facing her, her face broke into that dazzling smile again.My defences breached, I retreated to my shell.

Maybe latter, I told myself.

But what she said next shattered my heart.

She had been asked out by someone else; someone on whom she had been quite keen on.And she had given a tentative yes.She told me that I was the first one to know about this and that she wanted it to be under wraps for the time-being.

I had looked at her rather blankly as she had said all of this ; but soon my face broke into a smile.I was happy; for her but my heart writhed in pain ; a pain unlike one I had ever felt before.

As I left her at the library and headed towards the station, my mind felt like a quagmire of sorrow.Tiny drops of rain fell around of me and broke up into countless pieces; each of them having fulfilled their dream of quenching a lovelorn earth.I couldn't help but imagine how I could have lost the love of someone I never had......

Corporate

Put 5 apes in a room. Hang a banana from the ceiling and place a ladder underneath the banana. The banana can only be reached by climbing the ladder. Have it set up such that any time an ape starts to climb the ladder, the whole room is sprayed with ice cold water. In a short time, all the apes will learn not to climb the ladder.

Now take one ape out and replace him with another one, No.6, and disable the sprayer. The new ape (no. 6) will start to climb the ladder and will be attacked unmercifully by the other four apes. He will have no idea why he was attacked.

Replace another old ape with new one. The same thing will happen, with ape No. 6 doing the most hitting. Continue this pattern until all the old apes have been replaced. Now all of the apes will stay off of the ladder, attack any ape that attempts to, and have absolutely no idea why they are doing it.

This is how a company policy is formed.

Mildly Amusing

Friday, November 26, 2004
A girl eats up her mother and father.What is she?
An orphan

What did one rotor tell another?
Let's start a revolution.

What did one gay sperm tell another?
How do we find an egg in all this shit?

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.

What happens when you throw an elephant into the Dead sea?
It gets wet.

Why do gorillas have big noses?
Because they have big fingers.

Why is Levi's doing better than Denim? *
Because it's the dominant jean(gene).

What did a kid eating chocolate keep laughing?
He was eating Snickers.

George Bush and Tony Blair are sitting in a bar.One of the regulars spotts the two of them and heads in their direction.After formalities were exchanged,he asks them what they were doing in a bar of all places.

Bush says, "We are planning to kill 5 million Iranians and a bicycle repairman."
Our regular says, "A bicycle repairman?!?"
Blair says, "See,I told you that no-one would care about the 5 million Iranians...."

* :- If you like geeky jokes,I have made up loads of them.Most of them pertain to Biological Sciences and I would be more than happy to share them with you.

Overheard

Monday, November 15, 2004
Her : Hey, do you want to catch the 10pm show?
Him: I don't think I'll be able to make it.
Her : Why not?
Him: I have to study for a surprise test we have tomorrow.

Moments

Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Silence greeted us with a warm embrace as we made our way to the park.The sun wasn't out yet and the world seemed abondoned.

A carefree breeze wafted around us, enthused to have found some life.The trees rustled in glee as they played along with the breeze.A few birds chirped here and there, breaking the silence with a surprising loudness.

She walked beside me, casually chatting about nothing.The wind played about her hair causing it to fall across her face.She flicked back the offending strands in her own inimitable fashion.

She caught me looking at her.I looked away, a little shamefaced.

"What," she said with her voice full of mischief.

"Nothing," I mumbled.I wasn't sure if she heard me but she didn't press on the issue.

Maybe now is not the time, I told myself.But then again, I may never know when the right time is.

We walked for a bit, hand in hand, with silence for company.The sky metamorphosed to a bright orange as the sun woke up from its slumber.The air stilled,as if comforted by the warm rays, and then the sky broke down above us.

She ran for cover while I stood still, mesmerized by the rain.My body felt surprisingly warm under the torrent of rain.

A big smile broke out on my face as I whirled about the summer shower.

"Come over here," she chided me while thoroughly getting wet under the tree.

I jogged towards her and held out my hand.She looked at me, curiously, and then reached out for my hand.I looked into her eyes for a moment and then pulled her towards me.

"You will get the both of us sick," she said in mock protest.

I pointed out towards the sky where a rainbow had burst into the sky.She looked at the sky ,her hair all over her face and a faint smile dancing on her lips, enraptured.

I looked at her; enraptured.

Now, I told myself.

I leant even closer and whispered into her ears, "Will you marry me?"

She looked at me, her face impishly cute, and said, "Damn! You stole my lines."

I grabbed her then,under the summer storm as the rain danced around us, and kissed her until the world stopped.

"You were right about getting sick," I said.

"Why is that," she asked with amusement.

"Never in the right mind would I have asked you to marry me," I told her as my eyes burst out in laughter.My arm had a different story to tell.

Success

Monday, November 01, 2004
It's easy to become successful if you keep two points in mind:-

1. Never tell everything.
2.

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