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Insanely Inane Thoughts

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.


Monday, September 27, 2004
Books written and movies made keeping your pleasure in mind:

The Empire Strokes Back

Shaving Ryan's Privates

Hairy Palmer and the Sorcerer's Bone

The Merchant of Penis

A Tale of Two Titties

Eatapus Rex

Catch Her in the Rear

A Midsummer Night's Cream

Taming of the Screw

The Lord of the Flings

Around the world in 80 lays

Ali baba aur chalis chodh


That 69's show

Forrest Hump


Battlefield Girth

Note: Don't judge a book by it's movie and vice versa.

Needful Things

Sunday, September 12, 2004
"It wouldn't take me more than a few minutes," I tell Dan as I head towards the restroom.

"Better make it quick, Nancy.You know how the boss feels about slackers," he yells out before I can make it into the restroom.

I know how the boss feels about slackers ; but he would have to wait for now.I had to fix certain needs of mine before the meeting started.


I stare with dumbstruck fascination as the beauty of your curves sinks into me.

But I am in no mood for foreplay.It's a quickie I want and it's a quickie I'll get.

You seem as wet as one can be ; ready for the taking.

My eyes widen in anticipation as I guide you gently into me.I close my eyes as a sense of refreshing fullness takes over.

But somewhere, something has gone wrong.A feeling of unease spreads over me ; you have started to hurt me a bit.My eyes begin to water as I pull you out hastily.

The only form of protest that you offer to me is silence.A deafening one, at that.

"Let's try again," I whisper to myself as I guide you in once more.Again,a re-assuring fullness takes over.Eyes closed,mouth partially open ; I let the moment sink in.

"It's much better now," I speak out.You feel good inside

I let out a startled gasp as the cell phone jumps into life.

It's Dan.The meeting starts in a minute's time.I better hurry, he tells me.I'll be out in a minute, I tell him.He hangs up with his customary grunt.

I better hurry up the second time around.I cannot be bothered with slight twinges of unease, I tell myself as I guide you in once more.

I feel complete ; ready to take on the world.

Lucy enters the restroom as I am washing up.

"Dan told me that I would find you in here.What's taking you so long?"

"I had a bitch of a time putting in those awful lenses of mine....," I reply as we leave the restroom.

Guilty pleasures

Tuesday, September 07, 2004
I shut the door quietly with an uncertain resolve.Mom had just gone to bed while Dad was busy watching the television.The moment that I had been waiting for all day long had finally arrived.

I turned towards the monitor and switched it on.The screen flickered into life as it flooded the relatively dark room with its bright rays.I turned down the volume rather hastily lest it alerted either of my folks.Once all the arrangements has been made,I settled down with my eyes firmly glued on the monitor.

A voluptuous woman started talking testily.I strained to hear what was being said but it didn't matter all that much as I had been through the rigmarole quite a number of times.Even then,some of the excitement was lost with the somewhat muted delivery.I cranked up the volume such that most of what was being said was audible.

Tiny beads of sweat glistened all over my face as I looked on towards the monitor with unwavering concentration.I was most definitely in a state of heightened perception.

Most of the introduction was done when my hand started moving back and forth slowly.My face became flush with excitement as I continued to peer into the monitor.I tried to take in as much as possible because every single frame was vital.Atleast for me.....

As time went on,my hand movements became highly erratic.It was almost impossible for me to co-ordinate my movements with what I was seeing.Soon my fingers flayed all over the place...back and forth,sometimes to the right,sometimes to the left.It was safe to say that I was almost delirious with passion.

I could no longer keep up with the frenetic pace at which my hands seemed to be moving.My fingers felt tired and I let out my first pant for the night.

It isn't going to take me much more time, I thought to myself.

I should have stopped then and there but I had committed myself too far in to throw in the towel towards the climax of the night.


Someone cleared their throat behind me.Startled,I looked behind anxiously.

A pair of angry eyes greeted mine.

I had been so enthralled with myself that I didn't hear Dad let himself in.

"I should have bolted the door....." , I thought to myself.But I was too eager: to start,to please myself.

"Stupid,stupid,stupid...",I cursed myself.

Dad looked towards the monitor and then back at me.I looked down somewhat shamefully.

What else could one have done ; especially after being caught red-handed.I couldn't possibly feign ignorance over the whole matter.I hope Dad understands.Even he must have done something terribly stupid back in his teenage years.

Marshalling my courage I looked up timidly only to gaze down again as Dad spoke out.

"Son,which part of "not using the playstation to play Tomb Raider after 11 pm" didn't you get?"

It's going to be a long night , I thought to myself...


Thursday, September 02, 2004
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh......ughhhhhhhhhhh," I screamed in agony.

I had been laboring hard for half-an-hour with no just reward.I screamed out to the doctor that I couldn't push anymore.

"You are so close....so very close.You cannot give up now..." , the doctor coaxed.

"I don't give a damn as to how close I am.Infact,as of now,it's me who is closed!!" , I said emphatically.

"Come on now,don't be so childish.I know how you are feeling right now...but in a few moments,it will all be over."

I was about to hurl out obscenities at my empatizing doctor,but a wave of contraction shut me up quick.Grinding my teeth,I pushed harder.

As I pushed,I was thinking about what the doctor had said.He claimed to know how I felt.Ha! That's the best joke I have ever heard.No one knows how it feels,feeling full all the time and never knowing when the inevitable is going to happen.And when the inevitable does happen,its so draining that you feel nothing once the ordeal is over.You are just happy not to push anymore,happy to let you a spasm of laziness spread over you.

"You are almost there...a few more pushes and you are good to go." , the doctor screamed.

I looked over towards the doctor and he flashed a benign smile at me.

Get me a gun....anyone......

As many more violent thoughts entertained my mind,I felt something coming out.

"What is it??? What is it......", I screamed at the doctor.No sooner had I finished my brawl did I feel more coming out.

"Is it out yet?Has the lecherous thing finally decided to make its entry?!"

The doctor looked down and smiled.He mouthed out a congratulations and beckoned me to looked down.As my eyes went earthwards,tears of joy ran down my cheek.I looked down at the immobile thing.

Never before did I feel more happy at the sight of my own feces.

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